Stay In Your Lane 🐴

📸: Bologna, 2022

One of my favorite poems is “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann, at least the part for the way it makes me think new things upon each rereading. In it, a passage near the beginning goes like this: 

If you compare yourself with others, 
You may become vain and bitter;
For always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. 

Comparison will kill you, because no matter who you are, someone will always be better than you, and someone else worse. It is both maddening and freeing to acknowledge this truth. 

The best advice I’ve ever received came from my ex boyfriend, who first showed me “Desiderata”. I was feeling insecure about my job and my place at work, because at that time I saw my ex got promotion and I wasn’t. He told me to “stay in my lane.” He said, “I’m in my lane, and you’re in yours. Neither lane is better than the other.” 

We all have our own thing. His success didn’t mean I wouldn’t also have success one day — it just meant we were on the different paths. Staying in my lane has provided me with tremendous peace, as I know that my lane, my path, is my own and has nothing to do with anyone else’s. 

Whether you listen to Max Ehrmann or to my ex boyfriend, remember that you are in competition with no one but yourself. 

Stop trying to impress people. 
Impress yourself. 
Stretch yourself. 
Test yourself. 
Be the best version of you that you can be. 

Above all, when life hands you hardship or your dreams don’t go according to plan, revisit why you’re pursuing whatever it is that you are. 
Then give yourself permission to dream again and to keep going when you get stuck, even if you have to start small and move slow, one step at a time. I remembered that I was in this stage 5 years ago, let me share like this; when we are not challenged by the pain of disappointment or almost-but-not-quite-moments, it can be so easy to get caught up in all possibilities without having a clear priority. So, in a strange and beautiful way, the wounds from our deepest disaster and devastating experiences can serve as defining moments that help us look past arbitrary pressure and define what enough and enjoy our lane looks like in our lives. 

I always believe that in other words, a single number, milestone, or achievement doesn’t equal success, nor does it mean that you will be fulfilled, present and available for what matters most. 

When we can focus without our plates being so full, we have more capacity to be flexible. In other words, we can adjust our approach without throwing in the towel when circumstances change. 

Love, 
Ms. Elista 




 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Deeper Way

Image
What do you wish you’d known about love?  I used to think the kiss was the most romantic part of wedding. Now I listen to the vows and think, oh my gosh, you have no idea what’s coming. The best-case scenario is that you’ll still be together when one of you dies. What you’re really promising is to each other through difficult times — in sickness and in health. It’s very romantic to me that what you’re signing up for all of those hard things: the work of long-term love, the inevitable loss, the decision not to leave when things get tough, the beauty of suffering together. The romance is actually in the hard part, not the kiss. ♥ Why is it difficult for some people to ask for their needs to be met in a relationship?  For the last hundred years it so we’ve trained children not to ask for anything, because it is a nuisance. Children are told, “those that ask don’t get.” And then as an adult they think they’d be selfish if they said, “it makes me feel better when you text before yo...
Read more

Why Great Employees Leave “Great Cultures”

“We have a great culture.” We have all heard it. We have all said it. But what does that mean? Ping-Pong tables, free meals, and beer on tap? No. Yoga, CrossFit classes, and massage chairs? I so need that, but no. The promise of being part of a hip, equity-incentivized, fast growing team? Closer, but still no. Culture is often referred to as “the way things are done around here.” But to be useful, we need to get more specific than that. “ I’ve been working in HR for over twenty years, and the best companies I’ve worked with have recognized that there are three elements to a culture: behaviors, systems, and practices, all guided by an overarching set of values.” -Melissa    A great culture is what you get when all three of these are aligned, and line up with the organization’s espoused values. When gaps start to appear, that’s when you start to see problems — and see great employees leave. These gaps can take many forms. A company might espouse “work-life balance” but not offer...
Read more

Beyond Boundaries: The Unseen Struggles of Love and Acceptance

Image
A s I sit here, penning down the thoughts that have weighed heavily on my heart for the past few weeks.  You see, for the past four years, I've poured every ounce of my being into a relationship that, despite my best efforts, seems to have slipped through my fingers. I've given it my all – my love, my sacrifice, my attention, my gifts, and my unwavering support. I've cooked his favorite meals, flown across continents to be by his side, and showered him with affection.  I've called, I've texted, I've been there and here, and I've even gone the extra mile to spice things up in the bedroom – giving him the best make love of his life, making him feel like a king.  Yet, despite all of this, it feels like my efforts have fallen on deaf ears. The truth is, I'm Asian, and I don't live in Europe. I don't possess the skills in surfing, skating, or snowboarding that seem to define his world. I may not speak his language fluently, and my hair may be straigh...
Read more